How to Help a Friend in Crisis: A Conversation with the TAD Project Founder, Ben Greiner

“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” - John Lennon

       The TAD Project’s founder, Ben Greiner, had his future mapped out as a teenager: he was all set to play college ice hockey. However, those plans fell through, leading Greiner to experience what he calls “a kind of identity crisis. I didn’t feel like I had purpose [without] achieving a childhood goal.” Eventually, he was able to play hockey at a different college, but this meant having to reframe his dream and be flexible to changing circumstances. Greiner, who graduated from college in 2018, now seeks to help others going through a similar struggle:  “I speak [now] to athletes and [you have to] see yourself as more than that.”

       It was during Greiner’s college years that TAD Project found its beginnings. A close friend, someone with whom Ben had shared dreams of athletic achievement, was struggling. “I knew things were happening in my friend’s life,” says Greiner, “it was the ending of our sports career as we knew it.” Although the pair shared feelings of disappointment and sadness, Greiner’s friend was exhibiting behaviors that Greiner had never seen before: once open and energetic during conversations, Ben’s friend was more withdrawn and seemed to have a more negative outlook on life. Once looking forward to the future, Ben heard his friend express uncharacteristic hopelessness. Ben realized his friend needed additional support, and Ben himself needed additional resources as a support system. Thus, he created the TAD Project, whose mission “is to help friends and family find the right mental health help through stories, digital tools, and micro-learning.”  Below, we highlight some resources provided by both TAD and MentalHealth.gov to help you start the conversation with and offer support to a loved one in need.

Warning signs that you or someone you know may be suffering from a mental health problem, as explained by the TAD Project: 

1. Withdrawing from social activities or appearing down for more than 2 weeks.
2. Self-harming actions such as cutting or burning. Some people may begin to wear long sleeves or pants to cover up signs.
3. Threatening to kill one’s self or making plans to do so. Although you may not know whether your friend is serious or not, it’s better to be safe and take things seriously.
4. Extremely out-of-control, risk-taking behaviors.
5. Sudden, overwhelming fear for no reason, including intense worries or fears that get in the way of daily activities, like hanging out with friends.
6. Not eating, throwing up, or using laxatives to lose weight. Pay attention if your friend isn’t eating much at lunch or going to the bathroom right after meals.
7. Severe mood swings.
8. Repeated use of drugs or alcohol.
9. Drastic changes in behavior, personality, or sleeping habits.
10. Extreme difficulty in concentrating or staying still.

Once you understand the warning signs and identify that a loved one may be struggling, here are some ways to start a conversation with them, as detailed by MentalHealth.gov:

• Find out if the person is getting the care that they need and want—if not, connect them to help;
• Express your concern and support;
• Remind your loved one that help is available and that mental health problems can be treated;
• Ask questions, listen to ideas, and be responsive when the topic of mental health problems come up;
• Reassure your loved one that you care about them;
• Offer to help your loved one  with everyday tasks;
• Include your loved one in your plans—continue to invite them without being overbearing, even if they resist your invitations;
• Educate other people so they understand the facts about mental health problems and do not discriminate;
• Treat people with mental health problems with respect, compassion, and empathy.

If you need help finding the actual words for your conversation, here are some ideas for what to say, provided by  MentalHealth.gov:

• I've been worried about you. Can we talk about what you are experiencing? If not, who are you comfortable talking to?
• What can I do to help you to talk about issues with your parents or someone else who is responsible and cares about you?
• What else can I help you with?
• I am someone who cares and wants to listen. What do you want me to know about how you are feeling?
• Who or what has helped you deal with similar issues in the past?
• Sometimes talking to someone who has dealt with a similar experience helps. Do you know of others who have experienced these types of problems who you can talk with?
• It seems like you are going through a difficult time. How can I help you to find help?
• How can I help you find more information about mental health problems?
• I'm concerned about your safety. Have you thought about harming yourself or others?

Finally, here are some important reminders considerations for your conversation, from  MentalHealth.gov:

• Know how to connect people to help;
• Communicate in a straightforward manner;
• Speak at a level appropriate to a person's age and development level;
• Discuss the topic when and where the person feels safe and comfortable;
• Watch for reactions during the discussion and slow down or back up if the person becomes confused or looks upset;
• Sometimes it is helpful to make a comparison to a physical illness. For example, many people get sick with a cold or the flu, but only a few get really sick with something serious like pneumonia. People who have a cold are usually able to do their normal activities. However, if they get pneumonia, they will have to take medicine and may have to go to the hospital;
• Similarly, feelings of sadness, anxiety, worry, irritability, or sleep problems are common for most people. However, when these feelings get very intense, last for a long period of time, and begin to interfere with school, work, and relationships, it may be a sign of a mental health problem. And just like people need to take medicine and get professional help for physical conditions, someone with a mental health problem may need to take medicine and/or participate in therapy in order to get better.

Have you had one of these conversations before? Conversely, has someone had one of these conversations with you? We would love to hear what worked, what did not, and if you have any additional suggestions for how to have these important conversations. 
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For more insight on Ben’s story, work, and The TAD Project, you can listen to his interview on Scoot, available wherever you listen to podcasts. Here is the Spotify link:
How to Help a Friend in Crisis with TAD Founder - Ben Greiner - Scoot | Podcast on Spotify

Learn more about our organization: http://www.scootyfund.org.  Follow us on  Instagram and LinkedIn.

Learn more about The TAD Project: The TAD Project

 You can follow both TAD and Ben Greiner on Instagram: 
https://instagram.com/thetadproject 
https://instagram.com/bgreiner_



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